Dear michelle,

Don't you ever leave your me unattended for two months again or else I will have your muscles cripple you for several days. AGAIN.

And I'll kill a kitten.

signed,
Your Body

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So I'm hauling my pathetic ass back to gym after woeful neglect for the past, oh, two and a half months. According to the doctor I haven't gained any weight but I feel about the relative consistency of a balloon filled with pudding.

Now put that mental image in a bikini or shorts.

I busted my tail yesterday for the first time in a good while and it felt great. It may not be a great feat for many others but running an entire mile is something I am immensely proud of. Not because it's necessarily hard but because it's effing BORING as HELL, even with an ipod and Oprah. And it only gets worse once you hit your peak and it starts to get hard. How do you cope when your chest is exploding and your throat feels raw and your shins are screaming... and there's nothing to distract you? It's mind-numbing and mindless and I guess that's what some people love about it - the ability to clear their brain while they just run.

But blech, do I loathe it. Yet everytime I say that, there is no shortage of marathoners who pipe up with the benefits of running, yammering on about how it's the quickest way to get in shape and how it conditions the entire body and sculpts your legs and gives you longer erections and teaches you Spanish and, if given enough time, can get your children into an ivy league college you just have to be persistent with it!

I don't care - I'll spend the extra month boxing, thanks.

Still, The Boy challenged me to run a mile and a half today after I complained. And I did it. And I'm going to try to keep it up because I have a goal - one month to tone up. I don't need to lose any more weight and could stand to gain some in the muscle department - but I want my glass-cutting calves and apple-bottom butt back!

Boxing with John tomorrow. Three days in a row - I hope this is the beginning of a pattern.