My brain is broken

So it's been almost 5 months since my doctor left me high and dry and unmedicated. I'm lucky in that I can function fairly well without drugs, meaning I am able to still hold down a job with moderate success; I have, after all, been at the Resort for almost three years now. However I'm fully cognizant of the fact that my productivity and attention to detail is much better when my brain is pumped full of harsh stimulants.

This may sadden some of you. I assure you I don't care.

To illustrate my point, here are some high-quality graphics I whipped up:


Problem Solving with a Normal Brain:



Problem Solving with ADD:



I usually can figure out how to get from Point A to Point B but my brain takes about 92 pointless detours. By the time I've hit detour #49, I've already forgotten where I was going and have begun to plan the reorganization of my bookshelves.

Being on medication puts me closer to the first camp, although a lot of times it's more like this:



Point B is reached, but it'll just take me longer. Nevertheless, I do get there.


I often say that it's almost physically painful for me to sit down and do complex tasks that require excessive and long-term problem solving. More than likely I'm fully capable of it, my brain just gets in the way. Homework (especially math) is excruciating when I'm unmedicated.

My first appointment with my new doctor is this Friday. No guarantees that she'll put me on something but I'm hopeful considering my history.

I'm looking forward to productivity again.