I stumbled upon a site called Afterall dot net while researching quotes on God's love. Its tagline is "Consider all. Test all. Hold onto the good." and in the same way I identify with and respect Rich Mullins and Brennan Manning, I appreciate the work the creator, Nathan Jacobson, is doing. There's a humble honesty in the words he posts about his persistent doubts and questions. I am not a person who can resist being angry with God at times and yet I don't believe that bothers Him. The anger stems from a place that longs to know and understand Him and it appears only when that comprehension is thwarted. I am angry because I can not grasp God as fully as I would like. Yeah, it builds a sense of self-entitlement, as if He owes me an explanation, but I'm not usually so thick that I don't slap my own cheek in exasperation when I recognize it.
Perhaps it's conceit, but I am comforted knowing I'm not the only one with these struggles. I feel less alone and it justifies the existence of my constant inquiries. That could be a dangerous path if it's incorrect. I don't know.
But I'm sure God will show me if it is.
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1 comments:
Thanks for stopping by, Michelle. You're definitely not alone. I take some confidence in the fact that historically even those who have testified most passionately to the reality and goodness of God often expressed their frustration that God was not more forthcoming. "Longing for understanding"... yes, I hope God hears and honors it. Nice looking site, by the way. ~ Nathan
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