Woah.
I forgot just how much Adderral affects my brain when I first begin taking it.
I'm shaking, sweating and completely anxious.
Ooooh boy, this is going to be a fun three weeks....
Showing posts with label ADD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ADD. Show all posts
I haven't blinked for an hour and a half
Brain mechanic
My psychiatritic appointment was this morning and it turns out that the doctor is based in the exact same building and suite as my old psychologist. Katherine was an outstanding help when I was depressed and trying to cope with a new diagnoses of Generalized Anxiety/ Panic Disorder. I was initially reluctant to see a "shrink" but she made me a believer - I'm incredibly grateful I found her.
The new doctor turned out to be fantastic, too. A bit more in-depth than the last and she was open and willing to just continue with the same treatment the last doctor and I had worked out. I'll start the medication today so I'm looking forward to a whacked out weekend as my body re-adjusts to the new substances. Last time I started I cleaned my room, the bathroom, my car, did 5 loads of laundry and handwashed 19 items. The first few days are always kind of insane.
I'm preparing for little sleep and high productivity.
My brain is broken
So it's been almost 5 months since my doctor left me high and dry and unmedicated. I'm lucky in that I can function fairly well without drugs, meaning I am able to still hold down a job with moderate success; I have, after all, been at the Resort for almost three years now. However I'm fully cognizant of the fact that my productivity and attention to detail is much better when my brain is pumped full of harsh stimulants.
This may sadden some of you. I assure you I don't care.
To illustrate my point, here are some high-quality graphics I whipped up:
Problem Solving with a Normal Brain:
Problem Solving with ADD:
I usually can figure out how to get from Point A to Point B but my brain takes about 92 pointless detours. By the time I've hit detour #49, I've already forgotten where I was going and have begun to plan the reorganization of my bookshelves.
Being on medication puts me closer to the first camp, although a lot of times it's more like this:
Point B is reached, but it'll just take me longer. Nevertheless, I do get there.
I often say that it's almost physically painful for me to sit down and do complex tasks that require excessive and long-term problem solving. More than likely I'm fully capable of it, my brain just gets in the way. Homework (especially math) is excruciating when I'm unmedicated.
My first appointment with my new doctor is this Friday. No guarantees that she'll put me on something but I'm hopeful considering my history.
I'm looking forward to productivity again.
