Small blessings

Sometimes God drops little gifts in our laps when we need the encouragement most...

This past weekend was emotionally exhausting for reasons I can't fathom. June was incredibly taxing and the incessant sadness has now begun to grow tiresome. And annoying. And now I've spent the entire holiday weekend being a complete downer and I don't even know why.

When I sat down for church Sunday morning, though, one of my drama students dropped her butt right in my lap, wrapped her arms around me and put her head on my shoulder. "I missed you so much!" She cooed, still hugging me. I played it cool but I honestly felt like crying it warmed me up so much. I'd had a horrible weekend and I don't know if anything else could have done a better job of making me feel better. She cuddled right up to me and put her arm around my shoulder until worship began, chattering on about her "hottie who strums it for Jesus" (she's obsessed with musicians and recently began dating one of the guitar players at LP). It was exactly what I needed.

I had a great afternoon yesterday looking at wedding gowns with my sister, which is a huge blessing in and of itself. I've been a complete wet-blanket since they announced the engagement and I almost didn't go because I was afraid it'd just be more of me ruining her (justifiable) excitement. But after my poopy weekend I was fed up with myself and wound up having a good time despite myself.

Then today one of the vendors that I've seen walk in and out of our office for the past 8 months, caught my doorstop of a Bible sitting on my desk and her eyes got huge. We began talking about our faith and she mentioned she was in the middle of a fast... and on day eleven. I can't even imagine how she's managing that; she has my utmost respect and admiration. And now I'm looking forward to all her future visits.

I can't overlook the little things that God's handing me; I've found strength in the strangest places lately. Life has thrown me some curveballs the past few weeks but in all honesty, the faith to plug on through it all hasn't been that difficult to find. Losing control (of anything) is my biggest fear and He's taking me to the mat, asking me to accept the unknown future and put my trust in Him. I'm scared out of my skin but... feeling a lot stronger because of it.

It's frightening to think that all this had to happen for me to finally "lay it down". I wish pain wasn't such an effective catalyst for surrender.