At what point does life just become one big tragic comedy? When will I have that "head tilt" moment where it dawns on me exactly what I have to do in order to pick myself up by the bootstraps and do things right? I feel like I keep making mistakes in the same areas of my life and most of the time I know better. Does it take an irreparable fuck-up of such an enormous magnitude that I realize, with horror, that it's changed everything and nothing will ever be the same again?
Or can I slam on the breaks now and try to claw my way back before I do anymore damage?
I hate the fact that it takes several mistakes before I figure out how much I've trashed things; and in most cases, like I said, I knew better. Why do I justify my bad choices and continue to make them? It seems less meaningful when I only admit to them because I got caught or because they caused more harm than good.
As a Christian, I should be loathing sin before it bites me in the ass.
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2 comments:
sounds like you are struggling with the concept of grace.
... and i suppose life on earth is always a tragic comedy. funny because we act surprised when bad things happen, tragic because the same bad things keep happening.
meanwhile, i'd love to hear from you sometime. it's been like 3 years now?
I've never really felt that I struggled with grace, but I guess you're right. It seems that I'm OK with accepting it when the sin is unintentional (are ANY sins unintentional? Hmmm...) but when I was well aware of the wrong I was doing, I have a hard time forgiving myself. Do I understand that God forgives me, regardless? I don't know. It's tough when I hurt someone else and there's a good chance THEY won't forgive me.
And yes, it's been awhile, hasn't it?
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