Jesus responded, 'Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!' Then he got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm." (Matt. 8:24-26)
"When people work, their wages are not a gift, but something they have earned. But people are counted as righteous, not because of their work, but because of their faith in God who forgives sinners." (Rom. 4:4-5)
I had coffee with a leader in student ministries on Valentines this past weekend. I needed it for a great many reasons and I'm so thankful God has blessed my life with a friend like her. She has the kind of Christ-like honesty that I aim for in my own life, where love is so abundant and in such ample quantities that it's nearly impossible to miss in almost everything she does.
Through this conversation and her gentle (but persistent) prodding, I reluctantly admitted to the lack of "pure" faith in my life. My trust is an odd duck. With friends it's unfailing even after it's been broken; with men, it's nonexistent when it should be obvious. With God, though, it appears to be conditional and I expect Him to be just as fickle as I tend to be.
I've been expecting too much of myself and, on the flip side, not expecting enough from God. There's been the misguided notion that He'll only bless me I've gotten my heart straightened out and prove it by "doing the right thing". His favor isn't dependent upon what I do but upon what I believe. And lately, I haven't been believing in anything other than myself.
The message at Central this weekend was about the sin of "prayerlessness" and how believers stumble by not expecting great things from a great God. In Acts, when Peter is imprisoned, the church prays late into the night for his safe return but when he shows up on their doorstep unscathed, they're skeptical. All of my prayers are said from a sense of obligation and not from expectation. How many times have I asked for things and then questioned them when they've arrived? How many times have I asked for things without even considering the possibility that God would give them to me?
In my entire time as a believer, I've been woefully lacking in belief.
I let God stay at arm's length because it's "safe" and because letting Him come closer means accepting a lot of things I'm not comfortable with; namely, giving Him the wheel and trusting that even when I muck it all up I still have His favor. Things aren't difficult because I keep falling down - that's just another symptom of a bigger illness. I keep falling down because I don't trust God to do it "right," and so I make an attempt with my own human hands. And then I'm disappointed because I mistakenly believe God can't bless me until I get it.
Stop making it harder than it really is, michelle!
faith +
(I've never been good with math)
I want to expect incredible things from an even more incredible God.
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