The Digested Bible: Judges

(In an effort to digest more of what I read whilst Bibling, I'm going to attempt to condense each book into bite-sized portions in the hopes that it'll be easier for me to remember its particular themes. It's also my intention to avoid offending or mocking - however, I learn best with humor, so please keep that in mind.)

Some background: The book of Judges in the Old Testament comes between Joshua and 1 Samuel. In it are the lol, pitfalls exploits of, oddly enough, the judges of Israel. These were men (...and Deborah), usually elders, chosen by Moses to alleviate the burden he alone bore in leading the people (Exodus 18:13-26).


In Canaan, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the priests, who enforce the Mitzvot, and the judges, who topple the temple you're standing under if you piss them off prosecute the offenders. These are their stories.

Joshua's, like, dead and the people want to know what's next.

Canaan, that's what!

Judah (and side-kick Simeon) kung-fu their way back into the promised land, taking several thumbs and big toes for good measure. And the people rejoice.

Forty or so years pass and the people are all, "Yahweh who?" So God, in turn, chooses to smack them around a bit help them "remember"... with a sword or two (or ten thousand) and several flawed judges:

Othniel held 40 years of peace (hurray!); then, he died (boo).

Ehud, famous lefty, doubled that to another 80 years, after pulling a Troy on King Elgon of Moab ("I got a message for you." "Awesome!" "But it's a secret; kick your underlings out." "Gotcha." *STAB!* *INTESTINES, PUNCTURE!* *BOWELS, EMPTY!* "Fatality!").

Deborah, the bad-ass, solitary female judge.

Gideon had the balls to test God. Twice.

Samson liked the ladies... and then went blind.

...and the rest!