"I remember one time Beaker and I were hiking on the Appalachian Trail, and he met some friends of his, so I walked into town. It was about a five-mile walk from the campsite down the trail..., down into town. And when I got there I went into a restaurant and I was having a steak, and this guy started talking to me and we had this great conversation. We were having a good time, and he said, "Hey look, it's dark and it's five miles up the road to your campground. Why don't I drive you up there?"
And I said, "Hey, great!"
And so we got in his car, and just as we pulled out from under the last light in that town, the guy said, "You know what, I should probably tell you that I'm gay."
And I said, "Oh! I should probably tell you that I am a Christian."
And he said, "Well, if you want out of the car..."
I said, "Why?"
And he said, "Well, I'm gay and you're Christian."
I said, "It's still five miles and it's still dark."
Then he said, "I thought Christians hated gays."
I said, "That's funny. I thought Christians were supposed to love. I thought that was our first command."
He said, "Well, I thought God hated gays."
And I said, "That's really funny because I thought God was love."
And then he asked me the big one. He said, "Do you think I will go to hell for being gay?"
Well, I'm a good Hoosier, and I puckered up to say, "Yes, of course you'll go to hell for being gay." I got ready to say that, but when I opened my mouth it came out, "No, of course you won't go to hell for being gay." And I thought to myself, 'Oh my God, I've only been in New Hampshire for one week and I've already turned into a liberal! What am I going to tell this guy now?'
Then I said to him, "No, you won't go to hell for being gay, any more than I would go to hell for being a liar. Nobody goes to hell because of what they do. We go to hell because we reject the grace that God so longs to give to us, regardless of what we do."
(Stolen from "An Arrow Pointing to Heaven", transcribed from a concert given in KY in 1994)
THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS
Must-read
I'm rereading "An Arrow Pointing to Heaven", the biography of Rich Mullins for the nine-billion and sixth time. I'm at such a different point in my life that the chapter The Love of God has hit me with a new and brutal force. His song of the same name has even more of a gut-punch.
There's a wideness in God's mercy
I can not find in my own
And He keeps His fire burning
To melt this heart of stone
Keeps me aching with a yearning
Keeps me glad to have been caught
In the reckless, raging fury
That they call the love of God
Now I've seen no band of angels
But I've heard the soldier's song
Love hangs over them like a banner
Love within them leads them on
To the battle on the journey
And it's never gonna stop
Ever widening their mercies
And the fury of His love
Oh, the love of God
And oh, the love of God
The love of God
Joy and sorrow are this ocean
And in their every ebb and flow
Now the Lord a door has opened
That all hell could never close
Here I'm tested and made worthy
Tossed about but lifted up
In the reckless, raging fury
That they call the love of God
I can think of a dozen people who need to hear that and most of them already have. From my own paltry understanding I honestly wonder how many actually know it.
Because I certainly don't act like I do.
Haven't done this for awhile
And that's a shame.
My blog hasn't officially been broken in until some Rich Mullins gushing has crept in somewhere. Time to fix that.
Listening to his playlist on my ipod lately (Shocker. I know.) and man, some lines are just gut-punchers no matter how many times I hear them. He may be the only songwriter I've ever encountered who can make me just... sick with emotion, over and over again.
So here are some of my favorite examples of his really simple but mind-blowing work...
"I've been broken down, I've been saved; learned to cry and I've learned how to pray. And I'm learning that even I can be changed." ("Growing Old")
"I'm reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ears; all these words of shame and doubt, blame and regret. I can't see how You're leading me, unless You've led me here to where I'm lost enough to let myself be led. And so You've been here all along, I guess." ("Hard To Get")
"Surrender don't come natural to me. I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want than take what You give that I need." ("Hold Me Jesus")
"Joy and sorrow are this ocean and in their every ebb and flow, now the Lord a door has opened that all hell could never close. Here I'm tested and made worthy, tossed about but lifted up ..." ("The Love of God")
"Though we're strangers still I love you. I love you more than your mask. And I know you have to trust this to be true - and I know that's much to ask." ("Peace, A Communion Blessing")
"And his outstretched arms are still strong enough to reach behind these prison bars to set us free..." ("Peace, A Communion Blessing")
"We'd let the road wind tie our hair in knots; let the speed and the freedom untangle the lies. Maybe fear can vanish before love... Oh, God, don't let this love be denied..." ("The River")
"We are frail, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Forged in the fires of human passion, choking on the fumes of selfish rage. And with these our hells and our heavens so few inches apart, we must be awfully small and not as strong as we think we are." ("We Are Not As Strong As We Think We Are")
There are days when I can't listen to his music for too long because it has too much of an effect on my heart. To be able to convey his feelings so well and without dressing them up in purple, complex metaphors is jarring. He did a radio show once where he jokes about not having the best voice and he's definitely correct but what he puts into his voice is just... breathtaking. You can hear every ounce of what he's feeling and that emotion truly bridges the gap from mediocrity.
I hope that when I die no one mourns me. I want to have lived his kind of life - where it was so obvious that I wanted so desperately to be with God that anything and everything else was a far and distant second place.
"And when I look back on the stars, well it'll be like a candlelight in Central Park... and it won't break my heart to say goodbye."
