Well, now that it's over I guess I can honestly look back and say "huh?"
It was a weird one, that's for sure.
I wish I could blame it all on the fast, but I don't think all of that was hunger-induced. So much emotion for such a small amount of time - even more than I would have expected for this holiday.
There'd been this grand hope that I'd exit this weekend with some clarity in at least one aspect of my life and all that really came were more questions, confusion, frustration, etc., etc. Strangely, though, the positive things that have accompanied all that have made the anxiety worthwhile (for once).
I made it through the entire fast for the first time in (I think) four years.
I met an absolutely incredible guy.
I still don't understand the old, incredible guy.
I spent time with the OTHER old, incredible guy.
I connected with God again after some serious wrestling.
I served as much as I could without killing myself.
I got to see Liz and she looked ADORABLE.
I am exhausted. The fast was tiring in that the hunger kept me awake and I had a really hard time sleeping and I was hit with a migraine half-way through Saturday. I feel much better now that I've eaten but my body is just dying to curl up and sleep, so I think I'm going to crash early.
Nothing is more awesome to me about God than the power of pain. Not how it feels but how good it can feel, too. Maybe not "good" - satisfying? It reminds me I'm alive; connected.
OK, tomorrow when I'm pounding my fists on my steering wheel I won't feel that way but I'm content now. It's probably just an "Easter High" but I'll take it.
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those that love Him." (1 Corinthinians 2:9)
Me to Easter: "Whaaaaaaaa?"
God is good
This weekend, while not over, has already been extraordinary.
12 hours left of the fast.
3 new friends made.
1 new movie seen.
Bazillion tears cried and even more prayers prayed.
~~~~~
I wonder if you still read this even though I've moved. Perhaps you've seen the transition as a chance to break the ties?
I'll take the chance to say that even though I've decided to press forward and try my best to live my life, some things will always remain; they won't change.
I will always be standing here, waiting, behind the door you keep stubbornly closing. I'll keep waiting for the opportunity to show you that love can be unconditional and ever-lasting; I'll keep waiting for you to stop running.
No matter what you need in life, you can count on two people even if you don't want to believe in either of them: God and me.
~~~~~
'Shutter' was better than I expected. A couple scenes were done even better than the original had managed, including the awesome one with the flash. Still, I wish they would stop wasting money on CGI effects and gross-outs and put that towards better acting and atmosphere-building. See: Kairo, Phone, A Tale of Two Sisters.
Suspense is waaaaaaaaay scarier than a computer-generated back that had an acid bath.
~~~~~
6 days until my vacation and I swear, it's changed 97 times. Now I'm flying out Friday instead of driving and no, I have no idea when.
I can't wait until I can see the ocean.
~~~~~
"...The only thing that matters is faith expressing itself through love." (Galations 5:6)
Prayer
This is for all of the people in my life that I don't talk to nearly often enough,
and for the ones that hear me more than they'd like.
This is for everyone that's come before,
and for everyone that's yet to come.
This is for the few that I miss with all my heart,
and for the even more that I don't think of on regular enough basis.
This is for the romances,
and the friendships.
This is for my enemies,
and my lovers.
This is for you who've seen yourself in any of the above,
and for you who aren't sure if you're included.
If you're reading this, I love you and I'm praying for you.
Good Friday/ Hello Blogspot!
I've done it.
I've left the barren wasteland that is Livejournal for the vast, fruited, fertile plains of Google's blogspot.
A myriad of reasons why; I'm glad you asked. Mainly because they took away the option of a completely free journal - now you can only have a paid account or an account vomited on by advertising. The drama surrounding the ownership of SixApart by SUP got ridiculous and I stayed neutral but the retraction of the free accounts hacked me. It's no longer a novelty or a voice for people - it's now a business. My account will run out in April and I'm now going to take advantage of my Google privileges until I get bored or until Google sells out too.
~~~~~
From one death to another (nice transition, eh?). Lenten season comes to an end today and my fast for Easter begins in 2 minutes. I have Matthew 27 open in front of me at work and I'm attempting to prepare my mindset - my successes have been checkered in the past few years in regards to my Easter fasts. Lent has not been easy - my sacrifice was not difficult but my life was definitely heavy with sorrow and I had my share of loads to bear. I don't say this to garner pity but to remind myself that I have a lot to think on and almost none of it is about myself.
The sacrifice I gave up at the beginning was shallow and superficial, but still pertinent; the sacrifice I wound up making at the end was deep, painful and ever-bleeding. I do not think it's a wound that will ever heal completely and believe me, every beat my heart makes reminds me that it's there. But it was voluntary and I'm strong even still.
"About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" - which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" " (Matthew 27:46)
